Be a Stranger

Tonight I had the privilege of dinner and a movie with a dear friend of mine. Despite the fact that we both live in the Phoenix Metro Area, she was in my wedding, and I watched her first daughter be born ... I RARELY see her. Not only do I not see her, but we barely even get to speak. It is an absolute shame, the world moves too fast -- but tonight, we made a date and kept it.

We met at the usual spot; California Pizza Kitchen. Ate the usual meal; Waldorf Chicken Salad (a salad that makes me not feel like I'm missing out on the pizza). Talked the usual talk; she listened as I blah blah blahed my way through. You know, typical girls' night out.

However, in a moment when I stopped to take a breath (or more likely a bite), she said something that I pondered the whole drive home ... Actually, it's what's keeping me up tonight, when in fact I should be sleeping. What she said reminded me of the day I decided to move to California.

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It was very early December of 2006. I had been in Phoenix (Scottsdale actually) for about two and a half months and I had had enough. Work wasn't what I was hoping it would be, I hadn't met any people I particularly cared for, and the ONE person I DID meet who I THOUGHT I cared for, turned out to have a live-in girlfriend (and all that time I thought he liked hanging out at my place because of my awesome futon). Yep, two and a half months were enough for me.

On a Saturday morning I made my decision. I had been out the night before with the people I didn't particularly care for and woke up with the kind of headache that would make anyone want to leave town. I packed a bag, grabbed my laptop, and prepared to hit the road -- the 10 west as a matter of fact; straight to Los Angeles. I remember just as I was about to close the door on the apartment I passed the mirror that hung on the wall.

It was a mirror I bought at IKEA the day I moved to Arizona because I loved it -- actually, I loved what I SAW when I looked into it. When I looked in that mirror that day at IKEA, I saw hope. Hope and excitement in my own reflection.

However, the face in the mirror on THIS day did NOT look hopeful; it was ragged, worn and tired. The hair was matted and the eyes were lonely. This face had had enough.

It was not my best day.

I walked down to my car, in my pajamas more or less, and drove down the street to the first gas station. I pulled up to a pump and started to fill up. I remember struggling with the key pad, trying to figure out why it needed SO MUCH information just to give me a little gas. I remember the handle kept clicking off when I tried to set it on autofill. I remember being so anxious just to get out of Arizona and so frustrated that this gas station was making it SO impossible.

And then someone pulled up along side of me and rolled down his window.

Oh no. I bet my tires are low. It was always OTHER people pointing out that my tires were low.

However, the man behind the wheel said nothing about my tires... instead he said in a voice that was not wanting or in the least bit suggestive,

"You know, you are really beautiful."

My jaw dropped and my hand slipped from the handle (so the gas immediately stopped pumping). I didn't know what to say. This was the last thing I had ever expected anyone in Arizona to say to me on this particular Saturday, or on ANY Saturday in Arizona.

Thank you? I started to respond... but he just waved, as if it were nothing, and drove off.

I never saw him again.

But I never forgot him.

I never moved to California. I went out there until Tuesday and then I decided it was time to "come home." When I walked into my apartment after that long drive, I looked in the mirror that hung on the wall and said to myself, "You know, you are really beautiful."

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Now WHAT you might ask could my friend have said at dinner tonight that would make me remember that day, those events? Well, it was this:

I told her her eyebrows looked nice.

That is something completely normal to say to a friend ... but when I told my dear friend this over dinner tonight, she proceeded to tell me this story:

She was driving through the drive through at McDonalds, something she didn't usually do, but it was just one of THOSE DAYS where the ONLY thing that seems right with the world is McDonalds drive thru. As she pulled up to the first window to pay, she of course couldn't find the cash she had brought with her. She was digging under her legs, in between the seats, under the floormat, in the glovebox, all with growing frustration and with her movements becoming more spastic and unruly. She finally found the it stuffed in her sock. She yanked out the cash and thrust it at the girl in the window, panting.

The girl froze. She looked at my friend intently. Oh no, she's probably mad the cash is sweaty, thought my friend. It was at that moment the McDonalds drive thru window cash taker girl said:

"I love your eyebrows."

My friend paused, let out a sigh of relief, smiled and thanked the stranger for making her day.

Years later, at CPK, my friend could remember the day a stranger liked her eyebrows.

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In a world where friends have to book quality time a week in advance, where phone calls are replaced with text messages and texts are replaced with tweets, it seems the "stranger" carries a stronger responsibility. Just as I remembered the stranger at the gas station, she remembered the stranger at the McDonalds drive thru, I would venture to say we aren't the only to people who remember the strangers that made our day.

Though the phrase random acts of kindness has, over the years, become cliche; the recipients of those acts, I believe, have become no less grateful, especially since true moments of genuine kindness are so rare. This evening on my drive home, I thought of all the many interactions I must have had in my life - and how interesting it was, that one I remember so vividly is one I never saw coming and would never see again.

So, tonight I challenge you this. If the opportunity arises, be the kind stranger to make someone's day. Be the kind stranger people will tell stories about years later, as they enjoy a long-overdue night out with a friend.

The Woman Behind the Counter

The other day I was in the Phoenix Airport on my way to a meeting in Denver. Unsure of how long it would take to get the car parked, get the luggage checked, get through the security line, and get to our gate, we (my husband Michael and I) ended up at the airport early (and any amount of early is WAAY too early when it comes to airports). Once we parked our belongings at the gate, I did what I always do when I'm early to the airport; I headed toward the NewsStand for the sole purpose of staring at the tabloid magazine covers. Yes, I know, it's a nasty habit, but before you cast your stones, I should tell you I only allow myself to read the COVERS of the magazines. JUST the covers. And even in those few moments I can feel my brain cells rotting and my dislike for humanity mounting.

However, on this particular trip to the NewsStand I witnessed something much more fascinating, and disturbing, than any tabloid could offer.

In this particular NewsStand there was a friendly looking gentleman. He had a pleasant face that was graced with a cheerful smile. He and I were hovering in the same area; I was looking at the magazines, he was looking at the Snickers bars. Though, "looking" wouldn't be the right word -- "agonizing over" would be a better way of putting it. You see, this friendly-seeming man was about 200 pounds from healthy. As we stood silently by each other, I could hear him as he struggled to breathe, and watch him shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as he worked his way down the candy display.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he picked up a regular sized Snickers with his right hand and a KING sized Snickers with his left. He looked at his two options, back and forth, back and forth. He rolled them around in his hands, crinkled their wrappers, contemplating his decision. After at least a minute, he reached to put the regular sized one back ... a shame, I thought. He was so close.

But then, like a flash of lightening from above, at the very last moment, he THREW the KING sized Snickers back. It landed atop the gum with a deafening THUD. The man turned and looked at me with regular Snickers in his hand. Gripped it tightly, shrugged, and smiled.

For a moment, I saw a glimpse of pride on his face; the kind of pride that comes from taking control of your life. Granted, it wasn't the BEST decision, but it WAS a step in the right direction and it was clear he was pleased with himself. I smiled back and nodded; a silent congratulations for a job well done.

He took his regular sized Snickers strutted to the register where a 50ish woman waited. She was friendly in an abrasive sort of way, and as I moved to look at the cover of Men's Health I heard her say to the man (who was still in the glow of his recent victory):

"Sure you don't want the KING sized Snickers? Looks awful good..."

...

The man who had just made a good decision, froze. He stared at the woman behind the counter. In that moment, it was as if the Phoenix Airport stopped.... As he stared at the abrasive woman behind the counter, I stared at him. The woman reached for the KING sized and waved it in front of his face. "Don't do it. Don't do it," I willed him. But in the next moment, he nodded, took the KING sized Snickers, paid, and slowly walked away.

I wanted to say something, but it wasn't my place. As he walked past, he didn't look my way, instead he looked to the ground and to the KING sized decision he held in his hand.

Now, it would be easy to blame the woman behind the counter for the demise of our Snicker loving friend. She didn't HAVE to offer him the KING size when he seemed to be perfectly content. However, it is not her fault; she was only doing her job (I swear they get paid on commission -- every time I try to buy a magazi... I mean, a pack of gum... they always ask if I would like water or a snack. It can't JUST be because they're really concerned for my hydration or hunger). No, the responsibility lies solely in the man who ultimately made the choice.

We relate to this man. Whether you struggle with your weight, or you struggle to make good financial decisions. Maybe you make poor decisions, of any size, in your personal relationships. Whatever your vice may be (and there may be many), we have all been here before; on the brink of a breakthrough, only to fall short by no fault other than our own.

Whether you've been there once or been there 100 times, there is an important lesson to learn here; one that may not be the most obvious.

.....

Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

.....

I'll say it again. Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

Sounds nice, right? Easy lesson, nice lesson, hopeful lesson. The catch is this: you have to MAKE it so. The difference between who you are NOW and who you will BE happens because of choice. It doesn't have to be a heroic choice, it can be small/consistent choices made everyday in the right direction, that make the difference. But they MUST be made and can only be made by you.

How do you do this?

First: start seeing yourself NOW as the person you will BE. If you're broke, start seeing yourself as unbroke. If you're alone, see yourself wrapped in the warmth of a healthy relationship. If you're heavier than you would like to be, see yourself thin.

Second: It is not enough to just SEE yourself there, you must start behaving in a way that mirrors the behaviors of the kind of person you will become. Unbroke people make sound decisions when it comes to finances -- do that now. Healthy people find joy in salads and low-fat dressing -- you should too.

Third: Stay focused. There is a good chance that others will continue to see you as you are now, and that's ok. It's not their fault. They may not be aware that you have made a decision to change; not aware that you are making small consistent decisions toward the person you want to become. They may not SEE those small decisions or REALIZE what they are adding up to. Stay focused on YOU. On YOUR vision for yourself. And don't be afraid to verbalize your desires to those around you so they can aid in your transformation.

This is where I believe our friend at the candy counter went astray:

Perhaps he was seeing himself not as who he IS, but who he could BE -- well, healthy, happy...

I KNOW he was making a small decision in the right direction...

But when he got to the counter, the abrasive woman saw him as he WAS: a man who "must" love KING sizes. And instead of staying focused, instead of standing as a warrior for his future-self, he crumbled with the words "I will always be this" ringing in his defeated ears.

We all relate to this story. We have all been there. I just urge you to not go there again. Fight for you future self, and beware the woman behind the counter.

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When all was said and done, I walked out of the NewsStand empty-handed and heavy hearted. I took my seat at Gate C27 and waited for our plane to arrive.

*kindra hall


(Post Note: Michael ended up sitting next to this man on the plane. When I told Michael this story, looong after the flight, he said, "That makes it worse ... he was such a nice guy.")

A Phrase to Live By

The other day I heard a phrase that I simply adore. One of those that in a matter of a few words, has a lifetime of meaning. Since first hearing this phrase, I've used it frequently and perhaps, a few times, said it to people who didn't want to hear it... but the way I see it, all's fair in love and personal improvement.

I now share this phrase with you.

"If what you did yesterday still sounds pretty good to you, you sure haven't done much today, have you."


You can see how some may not be pleased ... while others will rise to the challenge.

Wedding Writer

"The wedding ceremony is the most important part of the day ... it is truly the moment you've been waiting for."

Brides and grooms (but especially brides) spend hours upon hours, dollars upon dollars to create an event that is uniquely "them." From the invitations, to the gown, to the type of cake, to the napkins that are used with the cake, so much thought and time go into every little detail. Trust me. I know. I've been there. And why not? After all, it is one of the most pivotal days of life thus far. I was no different.

However, where I met some challenge was when it was time to plan the ceremony. I didn't want some cookie-cutter series of readings, verses, I do I do I'm done in 7 minutes kind of thing. No, this was the moment where we were pledging our life long commitment to one another. It had to be equally as special, equally as "US" as the party was. Actually, it had to be more.

This is not easy. Couples continue to struggle to find ways to personalize the ceremony -- to make it truly a celebration of THEIR love. Fortunately, I have a solution.

As a storyteller, I find special joy in hearing the bits and pieces of the stories of others, and then putting them together in such a way that not only captures the emotion of the memories, but brings them back to life. Sharing your story at your wedding is the best way you can personalize your ceremony -- because what is more you?

I did this for our wedding and to this day, nearly a year later, people still comment on the stories that were shared. They express gratitude for being able to have such a special glimpse of who we were as a couple; and a preview of who we would be as husband and wife. And when we watch the video, it is the stories that bring the tears back to our eyes.

After speaking with a trusted, experienced friend in the wedding industry (read what she had to say), I've decided to (and am very excited to) offer these skills for hire. Here's how it works:

1. We will meet by telephone or in person (if local) for an "interview." This is where you get to tell me all about the two of you!

2. We will explore different options: which stories, how many stories, what kind of style, etc.

3. I will compile the stories that you have told into readings that can be shared at your ceremony. (I will be in touch during this time if I have any more questions or need clarification.)

4. You will be able to read them and suggest any edits.

5. I will complete the stories and send you the final draft.

6. You will get married!!

As a "Grand Opening" special, I offer all of this to you for a $100.00 fee.
(Please allow at least one month before your wedding date)

To read my wedding work please follow these links:
Wedding Ceremony. Michael & Kindra 04.09

To read stories I have written for others please follow these links:
Natalie & Josh's Story (Autism Awareness)

First Post to Kindra Hall Tells All

As far back as I can remember, I would write. I would write when I was excited, I would write when I was sad, I would write because my parents and siblings were tired of me talking but I still had more to say ... It was never fictional, never material meant for a novel (like the ones I like to read sitting by the pool in the summer -- as guilty a pleasure as chocolate); it was more or less observations on scraps of paper, on the kidsmats at restaurants, on the church programs on Sundays. Scattered thoughts that I simply HAD to get out of my head and on paper.

Then, in fourth grade, it happened. For my birthday (a party where we went to see HOOK in the movie theater, tie-dyed Tshirts in the washing machine AND had a sleepover with COOL RANCH Doritos), a friend gave me a diary. A DIARY. It had a lock and key and everything (the lock of course didn't lock, but I didn't know that). I began to write even more. I wrote about what happened in Mrs. Wordelman's class, I wrote about planting potatoes in the yard, I wrote about finding a big grub worm while planting potatoes in the yard, I wrote about my little sister crying about the grub worm I found in the yard while planting potatoes... I wrote about everything.

Today, I find that it wasn't something I grew out of -- in fact it became more than writing. In fact a "writer" is the last word I would use to describe myself. My passion has become speaking, it's become teaching, it's become motivating. More than anything, my passion has become telling; telling the stories of moments I have witnessed, of things I've experienced. Telling the stories of the things that have inspired me or challenged me. REtelling the stories that made an impact or left a mark on me. I have always seen my life, and now the lives of other people, of businesses, of empires... as stories.

Here. Here is where I share them.

I offer this blog to you, fearless readers. In this blog I give you random observations, examined theory, and plenty of story. I offer you this blog that you may enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy discovering, dissecting, and documenting the happenings contained within.

Kindra's Programs

Kindra Hall is a storyteller with 18 years of experience. She shares her stories on stage, in coaching sessions, and on her blogs: www.kindrahalltellsall.com and www.strictlystories.com. She works with organizations and individuals to discover, craft, and deliver their stories in order to more effectively communicate their mission and values. She has performed on the stage of the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN at the Exchange Place. She was featured in the success documentary Go for No! along side Jack Canfield, Rudy Ruettiger and others.

Organizations and Story
Throughout her career, Kindra has worked with companies such as Univision, MeritCare Health Systems, and others to effectively use story effectively within the organizations.Because of Kindra's fluency in the area of storytelling, all of her programs are uniquely created based on the individual companies' culture and needs. Please contact Kindra to discuss how your company would benefit from this experience.

Individuals and Story
For those who desire specific training, Kindra can work one-on-one to help individuals with their personal stories. Whether your goal is to motivate a team, or simply communicate your message more clearly, Kindra will help you find relevant stories in your personal and professional life. She will work with you to develop these stories and provide delivery and performance training to ensure a powerful presentation. Kindra can increase your effectiveness with keynote speeches, sales pitch presentations, or simply motivating a team at a meeting, by utilizing stories people will remember. Kindra has worked with many skill levels and has had success with everyone.

Performance Story
In her eighteen years, Kindra has performed for audiences across the country. From the rolling hills of Tennessee, to the coastal beauty of the Pacific Northwest, Kindra has told her stories at conferences, for corporate events, company parties, at festivals and for audiences as large as 15,000. Audiences of all ages have enjoy the uniquely honest, always captivating, stories of Kindra Hall.

NEW -- Wedding Writer
By popular request, Kindra has offered her storytelling skills to brides and grooms who have a desire to add a unique twist to their wedding ceremony. For more information about this new service click here.